"iamfree_love
18 minutes ago
bearing a child, and being the best lover or homemaker. Let us set
aside prejudice for women who failed in fulfilling their traditional
roles and look at the other parts of her life."
bravo! for once, a great different soul that thinks like me. ;) i love you for this. you have written what i have been living. ;) i, too, refused to be defined by anyone, more so, by society. i believe i am beyond definition ;)))"
Pirmi gid a ro nakon nga naiisipan kapin pa kung ginapangutana ako kung may asawa eon ako, pila eon ang unga, etc. my gosh!!!! as if natawo ako sa kalibutan ngara para eat-a karon???? i refused to accept that kind of thinking. Unlimited a do mga options nga pilian ko para i-box ko ang sarili sa makaruyon kakitid nga ekspektasyon it society. ;) Kaya para kimo Jacklyn Belo, bravo! Kunta abo pa atong lahi nga pareho katon mag-isip.
Defining a 'woman'
Sarah
Kay, known for spoken word poetry, wrote a beautiful piece about women.
Her poem, “The Type”, gave new insights on how women should see
themselves.
She wrote in Huffington Post: “Media attention has
been paid to what it means to 'be a woman,' but often the conversation
focuses on what it means to be a woman in relation to others...I believe
these relationships are important. I also think it is possible to
define ourselves solely as individuals, without comparisons or
relationships.”
True enough, women are often defined and valued based
on their relationships. This explains why we use labels such as ‘good
wife,’ ‘mistress,’ ‘other woman.’ For every stage in a woman's life, her
identity is always associated with her relationships.
When a woman reaches her mid 20s, people wonder why
she does not have a boyfriend. When a woman is at her 40s, people think
she is missing a large chunk of her life if she is not married. When a
woman is married, people expect her to have children.
Ask a beauty queen, a husband, and a wife on what the
essence of being a woman is and most of them will surely answer: “It is
childbearing or child-rearing.”
But how about a woman who cannot bear a child or a woman who remains single by choice or by act of nature?
Society’s definition
I have high regard for women who strive to be the
best daughter, best girlfriend, best wife, and best mother. All these
roles should be part of our aspiration in life. Our relationships shape
our lives and build our character but there is something more than what a
relationship offers. Yet, culture tells us that it should define us.
Society dictates how women should naturally maintain
relationships. Hence, when a relationship fails, a woman needs to
justify herself. When a married woman is caught having an affair with
another man, she is immediately guilty of adultery.
But when a married man is caught having an affair
with another woman, he is not yet guilty of any extramarital crime.
Philippine law states that he is only guilty of concubinage if his
affair is under scandalous circumstances.
I told my friend: “So what do we do then? Should we
protest? Protest that we can also have extramarital affair and not have
an automatic crime of adultery like men do, unless we do something
scandalous?”
Defining the word ‘woman’
But how do you define a woman? Is it by length of
time she spent on the bathroom? If she knows how to use an eyeliner,
then maybe she can call herself a ‘real’ woman?
Two men told me that I should know how to apply
makeup. It's an unexpected irony to think that girls are more open about
grooming and style. My inner self tells me that I shouldn't groom
myself because I am only pleasing the eyes of men. And when I aim to
please the eyes of men, I allow my relationship with others to define
me.
I allow culture to define me. I allow society to define me. That for me is a form of oppression.
We all have a shared picture of an ideal woman while
we don't have a concrete picture of what an ideal man should be. Yes, he
should be a provider but we can disagree that he does not have to know
how to drive, how to fix electric wires, how to repair a faucet, and how
to play basketball. He can be tough yet he can be soft spoken.
Not a ‘woman’
I'm afraid I am mistakenly placed in a woman's body.
Apparently, I don't cook and I'm not domesticated. I am not caring and I
don't think I'm sweet. I honestly feel I am less of a woman. But I'm
hoping someday I will raise my own family and epitomize a conventional
woman.
At the same time, it is within my understanding that
life has many possibilities. I'm afraid to disappoint but I'm more
afraid of losing myself in the course of finding and keeping people who
can make me happy.
As written by Sarah Kay: “Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place. You are a woman who can build it
yourself. You were born to build.”
A woman can navigate her life with her own ambitions
and talents. She is not a set of hormones and norms. She has individual
traits. She is capable of finding her own happiness and building her
success. She has many stories and many thoughts which should be
magnified and adored.
There’s more to a woman’s life than finding the man
of her dreams, bearing a child, and being the best lover or homemaker.
Let us set aside prejudice for women who failed in fulfilling their
traditional roles and look at the other parts of her life.
Relationships are pieces of who we are but they do not speak of our entire value. - Rappler.com
iSpeak is a parking space for ideas worth sharing. Send in your contributions to move.ph@rappler.com.
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