I am sharing this with you now because I am often asked, “What is the secret of happy relationships?” I have had many unhappy ones, and I openly confess that I contributed greatly to creating them as unhappy ones. I wish I knew earlier in my life what I know now. Especially, the Two Questions to Ask Yourself in Every Relationship.
Are you ready? Here are the questions:
Where am I going?
Who’s going with me?
Now...and most important...when you make this deep self-inquiry, do not reverse the order of the questions.
If you do, you could wind up asking yourself in times to come, “How is the world did I get here? What happened to my dream?”
So it is important to select a person who can share your dream. Or, at least, support you in living it. And not begrudgingly, either, but enthusiastically, joyfully, and wholeheartedly, wherever your dream takes you.
Of course, another person cannot find out what your dream is unless you are at least two of the three—vulnerable and close—somewhere along the way, and hopefully from the outset, of your relationship.
When two people support each other in each having their dream, and in being vulnerable, close, and naked while doing it, then a Fairy Tale is written.
It becomes “Once Upon A Time” time.
And this is the Holy Experience.
A few days after we were married, my wife, the American poet Em Claire, wrote about this kind of partnership. It is what she saw for us. It is what she hoped for us. It is what she chose to create for us.
We say that we will have a Good Life.
This is a guarantee
if we are kind to one another.
If we are patient.
If, when I speak, you listen
and if when you speak, I hear you.
This is assured,
if we continue to look for one another.
If we want to find.
If, when I am here, I am seen,
and if, when you are here, I see you.
We say that this will be a Good Life.
This is a guarantee
if We are Naked with one another.
If We are clotheless.
If, when I am vulnerable,
you shelter,
and if, when you are defenseless,
I protect.
This is a guarantee
if we are kind to one another.
If we are patient.
If, when I speak, you listen
and if when you speak, I hear you.
This is assured,
if we continue to look for one another.
If we want to find.
If, when I am here, I am seen,
and if, when you are here, I see you.
We say that this will be a Good Life.
This is a guarantee
if We are Naked with one another.
If We are clotheless.
If, when I am vulnerable,
you shelter,
and if, when you are defenseless,
I protect.
(© 2007. From the book Silent Sacred Holy Deepening Heart by the American poet Em Claire)
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